Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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