i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize