i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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