YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
