Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
