This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
