Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
