What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
