So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
