I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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