Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
