heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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