SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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