id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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