As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I could make wine with my vomit
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
