oh god the rape fog is back!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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