this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
