he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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