Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
