I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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