At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He is an equal opportunity slut.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
