Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
