Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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