Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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