I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
