When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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