before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
