I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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