I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
