Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
