she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fill condoms, not promises.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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