i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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