I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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