I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
