My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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