You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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