420 ftw
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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