dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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