last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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