someone owes me an orgasm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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