He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
