So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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