Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
