To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
