Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
