I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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