My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
