at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
