fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
