Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I currently don't understand fingers.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
