drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
40s are totally the cure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
