you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
