do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
