it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize