yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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