last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
not ubering you a puppy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
