You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
